Thank you to all of the people who have come out to run with me, thank you to all the supporters, media, captains, friends and family – especially my girls who are on the RHTA team back home with their wonderful father and grandmother.
As some of you have read in my recent posts, I’m learning how to think about myself. I’m not saying that I’m a saint; it’s more of a selfish thing, really. I simply don’t know how NOT to be professional when people are around me and I’m in my element – running. I feel like I have to keep up with them, or slow down with them… I just feel like I must be near them. However, I am reaching the end of my rope.
I love that quote by Theodore Roosevelt: “When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.” This is exactly how I feel right now. My knot requires absolute focus… and my focus requires space. My foot is in pain, my knee is in pain, my body aches. Most days my spirits are high, but it’s a crap-shoot – I never know what the day will bring.
So, from now on, with only two weeks left before the big finish line in Idaho, I am learning the Art of Selfishness (which is actually a great book by David Seabury).
I am promising myself that next time someone wants to run with me for 25 miles and talk to me the whole time, I’m going to say, “I appreciate you, but NO”. And, next time someone wants to give me advice on how to raise my children while I’m running and already upset about missing them, I’m going to say, “I understand your concern, but NO”. And next time someone would like advice about their running form for a full ten miles while I need to focus on putting one foot in front of the other, I will say, “Trust your body, I have to focus on mine… and NO”.
People that know me, know that the last thing in the world that I want to do is appear unprofessional and/or unkind, however… the finish line and goal of RHTA is more important than any one individual at the moment… especially me.
I do worry about how people will view me. But, at this point the pain and journey takes precedence over almost everything else.
Will everyone understand? Will they get it and allow me my space to keep my pace and do my 50 miles everyday? I wish I could be sure.
“Anybody who’s ever mattered, anybody who’s ever been happy, anybody who’s ever given any gift into the world has been a divinely selfish soul, living for his own best interest. No exceptions..”
Hmn… I’m going to have to work on it a little then.